in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Randomize
