There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
Randomize
