im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
Randomize
