the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
Randomize
