I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
Randomize
