there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
Randomize
