I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Randomize
