help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
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