just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
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