So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
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