Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
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