do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
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