the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Randomize
