You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
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