WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
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