weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
Randomize
