Please, let me fuck your mom
So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
You were trust falling into bushes
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
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