I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
Randomize
