just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
Randomize
