Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
