Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
Randomize
