shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
Also, beer. Big fan.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
