saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
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