I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
It was confusing and full of hummus
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
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