I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
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