I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
