Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
Randomize
