Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
Randomize
