I accidentally had phone sex last night
I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
Randomize
