he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
Randomize
