i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
being pregnant is like rehab
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
Randomize
