I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
We're not piercing ourselves today.
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
Randomize
