nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
Randomize
