I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
Randomize
