Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
Randomize
