The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
Randomize
