I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
Randomize
