How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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