ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
Randomize
