Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
