i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
Randomize
