It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Randomize
