Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
Randomize
