Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
