i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
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