yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
Randomize
