White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
