Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Randomize
