i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
Randomize
