How'd it feel making her break her religion?
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
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