just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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