Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Randomize
