if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
Also, beer. Big fan.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
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