So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
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