So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
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