so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
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